You probably think I’ve lost it.
I mean, how could answer text messages ruin your life?
I know you think you can handle the heat. In fact, you may even sort of enjoy it when Ex your text you say that they miss you and you just ignore them. It is as sweet revenge. Here they are, trying to get in touch with you after you caught them lying and cheating and you are able to keep them in the hot seat, wondering if you’ll never give them a second chance.
Admit it. It’s good, is not it? To think that they are beginning to regret their poor choices?
I remember those days. Even back before I learned the concept of do not touch, I would close my Ex from being able to contact me. Then, after a day or two, I would open it. I would just ignore him when he would try to call or text.
I would go days at a time like this, I think, had gradually epic levels of energy longer I held out. I just knew that if I ignore him long enough he would come around to his senses. Especially if I made him stew for a while, he would come back to me to change a man.
Then I opened it with full access to send me a text when he wanted. Then, when he sounded desperate enough, I would send him a short answer. Nothing too emotionally. Just a little something to make him think I would start forward without him. And it worked.
Or at least I thought it did. I fell for the false enlightenment. I fell for his charming smile, seemingly sincere appearance of happiness in his eyes, great sex, and the promise of a brighter future.
I thought I had played it smart, because …
Fast forward seven months – I had been thrown in jail for public intoxication and lost my teaching job one month before the end of the year. I’d just been in my apartment for a few months and had bills to pay and three children.
All because I had answered a simple text.
It happens every day. People lose their jobs, homes, all bank accounts, children and self-esteem because they feel that they can not avoid contact and a “No Response”. Some become dysfunctional, wracked with debilitating diseases such as cancer, heart disease, fibromyalgia. Still others become psychotic and even suicidal. You might be surprised at the number of comments I get on my blog where someone is contemplating ending it all. (If this describes you, call 1 (800) 273-8255 immediately!)
All because they would answer a simple text.
Luckily for me, the public intoxication charge was thrown out, and I was back to teach next school year. However, one humiliation was enough that I had to temporarily go on drugs. Not to mention the main identity work I had to perform to get over the shame and disgrace of my experience.
But not everyone is as lucky. Lives are ruined because targets narcissistic abuse eventually drop prey to uncontrollable need to defend themselves, do narcissistic partners see their point of view, say narcissist how hurtful they have been, involved in magical thinking and various other temptations that go along with that be in a relationship with a man devoid of conscience.
If you are reading this article, that means your partner has gone lines, stuffing goals, and spent part of you that feels irreversible. I am here to tell you that the other will not be the one that defeated all odds. You will not be going to friends and family with the success story of the century.
As hard as it is to no contact, it is even more difficult is what happens when you do not.
Lie and cheat will get worse, the abuse will get worse, and if you have children, they will grow up with a very unfortunate attitude about what relationships are all about.
Going no contact like crap. Some even equate it to death. But the good news is that as terrible and crippling it like in the beginning, there is an end to it. The body and the mind has immense wisdom. They know how to heal itself. Give them a chance.
Kim Saeed’s Empowerment Blogger, no contact Coach, Relationship Coach, Certified self-esteem coach, best-selling author, healing facilitator, and Radio Guest Expert. Her area of expertise include helping survivors of narcissistic and emotional abuse to loosen and begin their journey of recovery through change limiting their narrative scripts and learn holistic methods of healing.
After her own pain compounds (as she discovered later with narcissists (one overt, covert one), she began her career as a base to attack the teacher what has now become a worldwide campaign for empowering men and women to leave unhealthy relationships and restore personal power and self-love.