“Take it from me, do not form a scar on the die. The rapid way, I survived.” Chris Cleave, Little Bee
How much of your life you have lived so far?
Are there any moments survival scars on the skin or in your heart or you wear them proudly tattoo, story your body does not hesitate to say?
One night at dinner my son came home from school friend. We had amazing food and amazing conversation and as it is when lots of guys come together, we got to talk about injuries and scars. The boy stood up and said: “Oh, I got the scars to show you.” Over the next 20 minutes, he came to show us all of his scars, they were allowed to show, and we were all balls before to hear the stories and see the proof. He smiled proudly over everything and he knew just as proud that life was not finished with him yet, it would be much more rapid to talk about as he got older.
Listening to the stories of the boy, I could not help but think what a busy, treacherous, boyish, adventurous life he had lived so long and I thought this would not scar he was showing us, these were proud tattoo of life and lived ; He was only 13 years old.
“Tattoos are just the way they are a sign of bravery, development, cultural acceptance The Tattoo represents not only want to accept pain – .. To pass it -. Also need to actively embrace it because life is painful – beautiful but painful … “Nicola Barker, The Yips
There are lessons that we learn in school and what are the lessons we learn in life. I’ve come to believe that when these two different ways of, it is when we wear our history. When I realized and present in the moment of my life that I am, in a way, choosing tattoos I want to type I am and who I want to be.
When something is not going the way I want it that it is a choice I do what I must. When someone hurts me physically or emotionally I can choose to be and to be a victim of damage or I can grow from it and do it and do it as a tattoo honor or shame, and either I can then create teachable moments to share with tour life my. It is difficult, however, to step back in an emotional moment and realize that there is always a choice to make.
A Scar that systematically Got Tattoo
My daughter facing this very crossroads when the man she considered her best friend made what proved the girl was not a good friend at all much less best friend. It sent my daughter a tail spin and for quite a few years ago my daughter tried to work her mind to stop fighting the battle with herself to change friends but to accept what was happening. To make a very long story short, the choice she did in the end was to find a way to receive a girl for who she was and also to take itself that she was to become. Not easy to do at all, but with a lot of patience and practice, and self-love that it has truly managed to step over to the other side of pain and wear its lessons learned as a tattoo on her heart. She feels more power, more right-minded and stronger in his heart, but she has ever experienced. I see it in her eyes and I can hear it in her voice, the way she talks. She believes what she is working with and how it is to work through it and it’s a whole lot of reasons to respect her process. But the question is, how is she doing it? How is it to accept themselves and one that turned out to be nothing like a friend she thought she had? Here are some steps that it took to get to where she is now:
Seek help. The minute my daughter was disappointed in friendship as she spoke to me about it. She also casually spoke with other friends. She enlisted the people She felt comfortable with and asked for their opinion, asked her advice, and asked whether they had ever been anything like this. She even confronted her friend in order to get a better understanding of where this friendship had gotten so on the rails.
By being sensitive to pain, it allowed light to penetrate into the cracks that were forming in his heart. Light acted as laser tattooing her heart with the tools it needed to wisdom and compassion.
“When the weakness, drop by our heads on the shoulders of others. Do not get mad when someone does it. Be honored. For that person trust you enough, even if subtly, ask for help.” Lori Goodwin
Listen. No matter what stories were told her she had enough respect for themselves to just listen to what was said and not said. She took a mental inventory of all the information and let it sit inside her heart for however long it needs to so she could pick and choose the items of information that fit her best.
“Most people do not listen in order to understand, they listen with the intent to reply.” Stephen R. Covey, 7 Habits of highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change
Talk it out. There were three different times where my daughter met with “best friend” and tried to let her know how she was feeling. It took a lot more than 3 times to get a friend to understand and to this day is the understanding is still not quite there, but forgiveness has taken root on both sides of friendship and it means a positive change has happened. The part that is most important is to try to keep communication open and honest.
“When you give yourself permission to share what matters to you in every situation you will have peace in spite of rejection or disapproval. Putting a voice to your soul helps you to eliminate the negative energy of fear and regret.” Shannon L. Alder
Take a step back. Step away from the situation long enough to allow the silence and physical space to work it’s magic. Clarity has a chance to surface when the distance is allowed in. Constantly working on the pain and the situation at hand can cause more pain and less clarity. Step back, breathe, take time out and let the dust settle a bit.
“The space between chaos and shape it was a second chance.” Jeanette Winterson, The World and other locations: Stories
Know when to let go. As painful as it has been for my daughter to know she had to get to a place in her heart as she realized that it was more painful to deny who she is now in her own growth to adulthood but to compromise anymore who she has already become in order to save the friendship. She had to let go of what she wanted the relationship to be that relationship to become what it was meant to be all along. Sometimes we only see what we want to see instead of what is actually right in front of us. Skip the control of pain allows us to let go and let each person be who they are now.
“Distance sometimes lets you know who is worth keeping, and which is worth dropping.” Lana Del Rey
Find gratitude. What was my daughter most grateful to have this man as her friend in the first place? When she was able to actually list from her heart all the reasons she was having this man in her life she was able to sit down the pain. People change; life changes us inside and outside. Biography of her friend is not pretty, and unless you’ve walked in her shoes can not know the scars she wears and how deep they cut. Those scars have the opportunity to become a tattoo of pride when her friend is ready to stop being a victim to pain and the past. When my daughter came to understand their gratitude towards friendship friendship had a chance for a new life and a new spirit.
“When you start to recognize the truth of your story, finish the story. It happened, but you’re still here, you’re still able, powerful, you are not your situation. It happened, and you made it through. You’re still prepared to fully with every tool you need to fulfill your purpose. “Steve Mara Tops
In the end, the two friends trying to re-invent their relationship and humble from my perspective it looks to be a beautiful tattoo rather than ugly scars.